We are all familiar with Bob,  through his excellent, and entertaining articles that he writes for the Lotus Notus.  Bob wrote these stories especially for us all to enjoy.  Lotus Corps members are encouraged to submit items for me to include on this site.

Have a Heart by Bob Herzog

As their lips parted and Rick opened his eyes he could see that look. Sally’s eyes fluttered slightly just before she opened them. She had those warm bedroom eyes that had a glow about them. As Sally leaned back over the counter for another kiss, she was careful not to burn him with the coffeepot she had in her hand. Her face radiated a passion like someone who just woke from a dream. “You know a guy could starve to death waiting for service around here!” The silence had been abruptly broken by a cynical voice. Rick and Sally turned quickly to see Sam and Norton, the two local Police Officers standing by the cash register waiting to order their morning supply of hi-energy supplements - donuts. Sally walked over to take their orders. Reaching over the counter she patted Sam on his prominent belly. “No chance of that happening around here she said with a smile.” Norton piped in “you know you’d sell a LOT more donuts around here if you gave the same type of customer service to everyone like you do to Rick.” “No need to worry about poor donut sales with you two around” Rick said. “The usual?” asked Sally. “Yeah” replied both Sam and Norton. “Right, 3 Chocolate Barvarian cremes and a large coffee - Boston for Sam and 4 crullers and extra large dark roast, black with 4 sugars for you Norton.” Rick sat there at the counter stirring his coffee. He never really drank coffee until he started dating Sally 3 months ago; he certainly was ordering it a lot lately. Definitely had something to do with the fact that the cute, brown haired object of his attention that kept glancing over at him as she bagged the donuts and poured the coffee owned the local donut shop. She had inherited it from her Dad when he passed away a year ago. When she wasn’t pouring coffee, she was in the back making the donuts. The sign out front said “Best Donuts in Town”. Not too hard a promise to keep up since the big factory in town closed down and took most of the businesses and the only other coffee shop with it. “Hey Rick said Norton, it looks like you got some mud on your toy out there.” “Yeah” Rick replied, “I’m heading over to the coin wash right now.” “You know, we should get together next week and see how fast that Lotus really is compared to our new Ford Police interceptor,” said Sam. “Bring it on, lets go now” Rick replied motioning his hands. “Well actually” Norton replied, “to tell you the truth, right now we probably couldn’t chase down a bicyclist. We get our new coupe next week. Until then, the old Chevy we have has 285,000 hard miles on it and has so little compression that it barely starts in the morning.” “We’ll catch you later then,” Rick said as he peeled off two dollars and laid them on the counter. Sally sauntered back over and leaned over the counter for her good bye smooch. “Will you two quit swapping spit in public,” Sam said as he held the door open for his partner. “Yeah, go get a room will you,” added Norton. Sally’s eyes sparkled like diamonds. Like the ones she wanted him to give her. Oh boy, Rick thought. I don’t know about all this. But then again, he was starting to like coffee.

As Rick walked outside, he could see the stripes of light brown mud sprayed along the side of the bright yellow paint of his car. He smiled and thought about last night. Rick had taken Sally out or rather Sally had dragged Rick out to the local Country and Western bar. Rick was apprehensive at first but after tossing back a few long necks, Sally had finally convinced him to try some line dancing. Rick felt like a fool until he realized that nobody cared and everybody was there to have a good time. He also really liked the scenery. Lots of long legged ladies stuffed into tight, tight jeans and high heeled cowboy boots stomping around out on the floor. Sally was looking real good herself with a black cowgirl hat and a blue checkered shirt pulled up and tied in a knot around her waist. Sally was a couple of years older than Rick but she was in real nice shape. She had never really succumbed to the urges of the fatty donuts and she was always running around. Being a single mom with her own business to run she didn’t need to exercise. She sure could move on the dance floor. Hips swinging, boots stomping and hair flying to the tunes of Dolly Parton. Wow! Country and Western! Before he started dating Sally, Rick had thought Garth Brooks was Mel Brooks' father.

Rick unlocked the door and squeezed himself down into the low bucket seat of his bright yellow 1995 Lotus Turbo Esprit. The truck parked next to him didn’t leave a whole lot of room to open the long fiberglass door. He could always get himself in; the trick was swinging in the left leg without kicking the door panel. The previous owner wasn’t real good at that so the door panel was a little scuffed up. As Rick turned the ignition key the radar detector beeped away. He cranked it over and engine came to life filling the air with the distinctive Lotus sound. Not too loud, not real quiet, just the right sound. Rick was very careful backing out of the space because the rearward vision through the little back window over the engine compartment left something to be desired.

Rick headed out for the coin operated car wash. 25 cents a minute was not a bad deal. Although Rick still lived at home with his mom and he would usually just wash the car in the driveway, he occasionally liked to go to the coin wash just to show off. As Rick drove down the street he got several “Thumbs Up” from a group of local high school kids. His pride and joy also made several adult heads turn as he rolled into the car wash stall. Rick popped the rear hatch and got out his bucket and sponge. As he fed the wash machine some quarters he noticed a bright blue HONDA with an exhaust pipe the size of a loaf of bread pulling up. The muffler didn’t seem to serve any purpose other than for display as it certainly sounded like there was no muffle in the muffler at all. There was not doubt that it was a HONDA because of the large white vinyl letters that were plastered across the windshield. It was as low to the ground as it could go without picking up sticks and stones in the parking lot. The owner had also invested in a pair of white, double bladed windshield wipers, Yuck! As Rick started spraying down his Lotus, the kids from the HONDA came over to admire his toy. All three of them were smacking cigarette packs against their palms. Apparently a myth method used to enhance the flavor. Only seems to enhance the yellowness of their teeth. The HONDA guys really liked Rick’s Lotus. “Wow, it’s almost as low as Freddie’s HONDA” remarked one of them. “Who makes Lotus?” asked another. “Lotus makes Lotus” replied Rick as he shut off the spray and began sponging off the mud streaks off the rear valence. “It’s a British car… made in England, like James Bond or something” the third one chimed in. “You know my cousin makes the lettering for windshields. He can make you one that says LOTUS”. “No thanks” Rick immediately replied as the kids strutted back to their stall.

Rick finished quickly and pulled the Esprit out to the drying area. He parked next to a large SUV. Almost felt like he could park underneath it. As he toweled off the hood, the sun started coming out from behind some clouds and the bright yellow paint started to really come alive. This was a proper yellow for this car. Not mundane, definitely wild. All those hours of hand polishing and waxing pay off. The SUV driver made some kind of snide remark about whether Rick’s Lotus was the one from the TV commercial where the Chevy Tahoe beats the Esprit at the drag strip. Rick politely said no and ignored him. Rick popped open the front and rear hatch and dried everything off real good. He pulled off the engine cover and took the now moist towel to wipe down the engine. Being careful to avoid the hot turbo, he stretched in and cleaned the already spotless engine compartment of the mid-engine, 4-cylinder machine.

Rick buttoned everything back up and headed on down the road. He hit the cloverleaf for the interstate and squeezed on the power. The turbo boost gauge surged to the right as he neared the top of the ramp and he upshifted into third right at the red line. The turbo made a wonderful “whoosh” sound as his right foot was planted firmly to the floor. Pedal to the fiberglass! The road was clear and the radar detector was quiet so Rick held firm well into fourth, finally shifting into fifth and backing off the throttle at about 135 MPH. Nice little rush. The engine popped a few backfires through the muffler as the speed came back down. Rick had gone to Bob Bondurant’s high speed driving school last year when he had first gotten his slightly used Esprit. He had a great time, learned a lot and kept the “shiny side up” of the schools Mustangs throughout the weekend. Although he was no race car driver, he had learned how to control a vehicle at high speeds while watching out for “The other guy”. Or gal.

Rick pulled off at Burns road and headed North to visit his old pal Jack. Jack had a little farmhouse with an old barn that he had converted to a big garage for all his toys. Jack was retired and spent most of his time working on old cars. Rick waved at Jack’s wife Nancy working in her garden as he drove around back to the barn. Rick walked into the garage through the big sliding barn door. The radio on the shelf was quietly filling the barn with the sounds of some sort of classical music. Rick couldn’t see Jack however. He walked around the workbench, past the old Alfa Romeo Duetto that was in the process of getting new floor pans. Past the Jensen interceptor with the hemi engine halfway out, hanging on the hoist. Then finally Rick spotted a pair of legs sticking out from under the old Bentley. “Yo, Jack”, Rick called out. Nothing. No response. Oh, oh. Rick was always worried that his next visit to Jack might be his last. Jack had recently successfully undergone a triple bypass heart operation, but there are no long term guarantees with that. Jack had been pretty upbeat about the whole thing making jokes that he could no longer wear his “Speedo” to the beach! As Rick edged closer to the legs sticking out from under the car, he could hear a familiar sound. Z-z-z-z-z-z. Jack was just asleep again. Asleep under the wheels is better than asleep at the wheel. Rick gently kicked Jack’s shoe “Hey Jack”. “What, who?” Jack snorted. Bang! Jack whacked his head on the underside of the Bentley.

As Jack slid out on the creeper from under the huge machine he rubbed his forehead that was now sporting a fresh large red welt, compliments of the drive shaft that he had whacked. “How’s it going buddy,” Jack said as he offered and received a warm handshake. They talked about everything and nothing. Jack walked Rick through the 50-cent tour of the projects that were neatly positioned throughout the barn/garage. Great way to spend a retirement. If you get tired of one project, you can go work on another. If you need a part, you don’t have to wait for the UPS driver to come around; you can order it and go work on something else. Nancy came into the garage with a tray of sandwiches, cold milk and a plate full of fresh hot chocolate chip cookies. She apologized for the cookies not being “from Scratch”. “Yes my blushing bride of 47 years is getting a little lazy” Jack smirked. Nancy turned and playfully punched Jack in the stomach. “You aren’t doing so bad buster” she replied. “No need to apologize” said Rick; “these are great!”

Rick thanked Jack and Nancy for their hospitality and pointed the Esprit back down the road. He took the long route back to the interstate; Highway “C” blasting down some wide-open roads past farm fields for about ten miles. Mostly straight with a few “Ups and downs”, Rick and the Esprit enjoyed the countryside.

Rick stopped at the stop sign and made the left turn back onto the interstate. As he was coming up to speed he noticed some flashing lights up ahead. He slowed as he approached an ambulance and a police car pulled over to the side of the road. As he drove slowly by he noticed the ambulance driver working on changing a flat tire. Sam and Norton, the local officers were standing by the squad car. Rick pulled over and got out of the car, just because that was the kind of neighborly thing people like him did in this rural part of the state. As he walked up he saw Sam kicking the police car over and over again. “Damn it, damn it damn it.” Sam kept on repeating as the dents in the old Chevy cruiser applied from* Sam’s boots got bigger and bigger. “What’s going on?” Rick asked Norton. Norton told Rick that they had come across the ambulance with the flat tire about 30 minutes ago. The lug nuts on the ambulance wheel wouldn’t come off. The driver had already busted off two trying to get them loose by jumping on the tire iron. “Is there anyone in the ambulance?” Rick asked? “Well, not really somebody” Norton said as he pulled open the back door and pulled open a small cooler. It was packed with ice and also inside was what was apparently a human heart. “What makes this so bad” added Norton, “is that we just found out over the radio that this heart was headed for Methodist Hospital for Sam’s brother in law.” “Well why don’t you get another ambulance?” Asked Rick. “It’s on it’s way from Rockland, but it will never make it in time, you only have 2-3 hours at best for a transplant to work and this heart stopped beating an hour ago” replied Norton.” “Well then take it yourself” suggested Rick. “Can’t, the cruiser just died. We think it’s the timing chain. Closest State Trooper car is still 20 minutes away. There’s really no way to get this heart to Methodist on time unless…” Norton’s voice trailed off and both Sam and Norton stared at the Lotus and then at Rick and then back again at the Lotus. Rick’s hands got a little clammy as he blurted out “Let’s go!”

Sam had a hard time getting his big belly and the cooler into the passenger side of the Esprit. He had an even more difficult task of trying to hook up the seat belt. Not used to those things. Rick helped him click it into place with one hand as he dropped the clutch and shot gravel and grass all over Norton and the ambulance driver. It felt a little weird blowing past the legal speed limit with a police officer right there in the passenger seat, but the adrenaline rush helped Rick keep his right foot planted. Rick glanced over at Sam as the speedometer passed the 140 mark and saw a look of terror. Don’t think the old Chevy cruiser spent much time past 100, even in pursuit of speeding ticket income. Rick shut off the radar detector for the first time since he owned the car.

Sam had had the forethought to bring his police walkie talkie and started talking with his buddies in the adjacent county. They were to meet the Lotus at speed with the lights and sirens going to clear a path through what little traffic there was. Until then, as Rick approached cars, he would flash his hi-beams, squeeze the steering wheel tight and just hope that some jerk didn’t pull out in front of him. They blew by traffic like it was standing still. If you think about traffic doing 60-70 mph and you go by at 140-150, it IS like they are standing still! Rick noticed that one of the vehicles he passed was the SUV he saw that morning at the car wash. He would have loved to see the look on the driver’s face. He would have liked to tell hem he was just “Speed Drying” the Lotus.

Rick could see the flashing lights of a squad car up ahead. The squad pulled out into the left lane to clear traffic and Rick slowed to pull up behind him. Rick felt a little like a NASCAR driver as he felt the draft of the squad pulling him along. Hardly had to touch the gas the way the cruiser was clearing the air for the Lotus. The squad was motivating, but only at the cruiser’s computer chip restricted 110 M.P.H. Rick looked over at Sam who looked at his watch. Sam’s face got long and he shook his head in dejection. Rick swallowed hard as he downshifted to fourth, punched it and passed the squad on the right. Sam had a lively conversation over the walkie talkie with the officer whose squad car was quickly getting smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. Sam finished the tense conversation with two words and it wasn’t “Let’s dance”.

Rick passed a semi truck just before the overpass for the turn South into Rockland Downshifting twice and braking hard he entered the cloverleaf under control but with just enough speed to get your cheeks to pucker. The expansion strips on the overpass were a little worn there was a “Bump” that sent the Esprit into a little 4-wheel drift as they entered the turn. Sam was trying to find something to hang onto as Rick drifted the tail end out just a bit and held on while feeding the power. Halfway through the turn Rick came across the kids in the HONDA. No time to chat, Rick dipped the nose of the Esprit down onto the apron and passed the HONDA on the inside. As they passed the HONDA all three heads inside turned to the right. Rick lined up for the end of the cloverleaf and punched it again, shifting into fourth just as they came out from under the overpass. A little rise in the pavement sent them slightly airborne for a split second. Sam was feeling like he would lose his donuts soon.

Rick could see the flashing red light up ahead for the emergency entrance sign for Methodist Hospital. Good thing too as the Turbo needle had been in the red for most of the trip and the water temperature gauge was approaching the red as well. The Hospital staff was waiting for them as they pulled up. Sam opened the door and the waiting hospital staff grabbed the cooler from him and quickly scurried inside. Sam was so excited he got his feet all tangled up getting out of the Lotus and ended up falling face first to the ground. He got up and with one hand holding his bleeding nose he turned to Rick and said “Thanks!” Sam rushed off into the emergency ward.

Rick parked the Lotus and just sat in the car for a while with the engine idling. The turbo boost gauge was back to zero and the engine temperature was starting to come down. As the quiet started to fill the cabin he thought he heard a strange noise, but he soon realized it was just himself breathing very, very hard.

Rick shut off the cooled engine, locked the car and wandered into the emergency ward. There was the usual flurry of activity, but he saw Sam over in the corner on the pay phone. As he approached, Sam covered the mouthpiece to the phone and thanked Rick again. “No Problem”, Rick replied “it was a real rush and I hope your brother-in-law does ok”. “We won’t know for at least 4 to 6 hours” replied Sam. I’m going to camp out here with my sister over there until we know for sure he’s OK. What are you going to do?” Sam asked. Rick looked at his watch for a moment and replied as he started walking out the door with his keys in hand “I think I’ll go get myself a cup of coffee.”

Copyright © 1999 [Lotus Corps]. All rights reserved.
Revised: May 26, 2003